In a late-breaking story, reports from Hawaii and Washington are that President-elect Barack Obama and many Democrats are waking up this morning to lumps of coal left in their stockings by Saint Nick. A handwritten note saying, “Drill Here. Drill Now” has frequently been attached. The coal, historically seen as symbolic of being on “the naughty list,” has both pundits and politicians in a stir, as none of them can recall Obama ever doing anything that would qualify as “naughty.”
The mainstream media has been investigating this with their typical tenacity. The Washington Post declared, “Santa Errs!” and the New York Times suggested that racism played a part, issuing a photograph of Santa Claus allegedly at a Ku Klux Klan meeting circa 1966. The photograph was later proven to be photoshopped and one of the Klansmen was later identified as West Virginia Democrat Senator Robert Byrd. An editorial in the LA Times denounced the “senseless scrawlings” of an “old bigot” like Santa.
Vice-President elect Joe Biden’s office said he was unavailable for comment as he is spending this week with his family celebrating Easter. Noticing reporters’ consternation, his spokesperson added,” He’s very happy right now. Let’s not confuse him," and, "This is why we don't usually tell you where he is.”
Some other Democrats are saying they aren’t surprised. "I’ve gotten coal every year since 1958,” said Massachusets Congressman Barney Frank. “Santa sometimes leaves something other than coal?” asked House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Maxine Waters was quoted as saying, "Don't surprise me at all. He a crazy man that Santa. Always Ho this and Ho that. I always knew there was somethin' wrong 'bout that man."
Conservative bloggers are suggesting that the coal is a sign that the country needs to move towards energy independence. Republican lawmakers aren’t so sure. “We’d be playing vicious partisan politics to read too much into this right now,” said GOP
Liberal bloggers had yet another take on the events, suggesting that the Bush/Cheney axis was to blame. “Bush P*sses Off Santa,” said the Huffington Post. “Cheney Shoots Santa,” said one headline at The Daily Kos. Another said, "Santa refuses Service Over Bush Agenda." Buzzflash simply claimed, "Santa is Dead."
A spokesman for Santa declined comment, saying only, ”The message seems pretty clear.”
*** Merry Christmas to all the evil conservatives out there! ***
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