Dog Training in the Oval Office

by Patrick Gibson

My family has a new addition. A little pit bull puppy that we got from the local animal shelter. He's jet black, appears to both consume and produce an awful lot for something his size, and his name is Pugsley. Why am I writing an article about Pugsley? Because while cleaning up his latest mess I was thinking about how, if our president-elect follows through on his promise to bring a dog with his family into the White House we may all end up benefiting.
I have had dogs my entire life. The first one I trained was a German Shepherd named Margo. She was a magnificent creature, with a shimmering black coat and a keen, incisive mind for a dog. She also tore up everything I owned and I had to save up $300 to take her to training classes. I was surprised to learn that really, the one who needed the most training was me.
I learned that you have to be firm. Firmness indicates that you are in control. I wonder if our enemies abroad feel like the Obama administration is prepared to be firm or if they expect it to quake at their threats?
I learned that you have to be swift and decisive. I wonder if the Clintonistas (who pepper his administration with a weltanshaaung (sp) that is almost as diametrically opposed to Obama's as McCain's) feel that he is?
Above all, I learned that you must be consistent and fair. I wonder if Obama thinks that the programs he has championed in the past from ACORN to affirmative action to his rank connections with the looters of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have prepared him to be viewed as a consistent and fair leader for our people?
It helps if they like you. Its a whole lot better if they respect you. It may be wise to consider this before trying to make the world do dog tricks.
A good dog owner tries to help his or her dog see the obvious correlation between cause and effect. A sloppy, inconsistent, careless owner who is more concerned with their own comfort and popularity than the well-being of the animal will have a tough time training a dog and will almost universally end up with a poorly-behaved, destructive, rascal of a pet. A caring and selfless dog owner will be rewarded with a loyal and giving friend for life. A friend who would die for you. A blessing.
Now that I really consider it, is President-elect Obama responsible enough to train this animal or will we be treated to visions of chewed furniture in the official West Wing photo ops? Someone please call the ASPCA.... I think we just stepped in something.